


"Whenever your world starts crashing down, that's when you'll find me"

by NatalieRyan



Series: All Fall Down [2]
Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: 1x01 AU, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hope, I gave Jack so many feels, Jack undercover instead of Nikki, New Beginnings, Panic Attacks, So much angst, The boys have a talk, because I'm apparently still not done with riding the Jack angst wave, just like the Phoenix that rose from the ashes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28920729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatalieRyan/pseuds/NatalieRyan
Summary: He had no right to ask for anything. No right to ask Mac for forgiveness. He broke Mac's heart, he left him, faked his death to keep him safe, but left anyway. There was a part of him that was afraid that the kid will think of him as a traitor now, that despite of his reasons and actions proving otherwise that he'd be there and not lie to Mac again; there was that lingering feeling that Mac won't trust him ever again.
Relationships: Jack Dalton & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Series: All Fall Down [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120748
Comments: 10
Kudos: 25





	"Whenever your world starts crashing down, that's when you'll find me"

**Author's Note:**

> And we are back to our program with these boys. January has certainly been a whirlwind so far. I have hit a snag with writing a bit, but managed some words on several fics. The NaNo fic is still in the editing stage, and between trying to write and fighting with the mini writer's block (in reality I was just a tad bit stuck, that a talk with thistle solved), I picked up reading WK again. And in the middle of reading one of the chapters, I was thinking about this story thistle wrote that was an AU of 1x01... and I went to read it again. Which resulted in this fic.   
> And just as my tag says, I've been surfing on the Jack angst wave for MONTHS now and apparently that boy doesn't want to stop the angst any time soon so I have to roll with it.   
> This story picks up right after thistle's story, and we decided to make it a series. With my track record of getting inspired by and writing follow ups to thistle's fics, it's nothing short of a posibility for me to write more about anything at this point.   
> So sit back, relax, and enjoy this angstfest!
> 
> Inspired by [“If the sky comes falling down…”](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15873987) (story number 1 in the series)

Hours later (Jack's not sure about the time, he left his watch at home) the party is dying down. He is watching the night lights twinkling in the distance, mixed with lights from building windows, and homes and offices. LA is alive as always, traffic present even in this late hour. Everyone knows that NYC is the city that never sleeps, but Jack wants to argue how LA doesn't fall far behind the Big Apple. Especially since Jack has watched this city in all the times of day and night and can attest to that.

He sighs, the third beer he just finished drinking might have been a bad idea. He starts to feel dizzy, and he'd rather not be right now. 

He can hear Cage and Riley laughing at something that Mac says and they tell him they have to go, something about getting their apartment decent to spend the night there. They found a good place for the right price that Jack may or may have not asked a friend to lower the rent for them. It was the least he could do after he got Cage and Riley in this mess. 

The last person he thought would watch his back from the screens is Riley Davis. Apparently she volunteered for the job when Cage was assembling the team. Jack doesn't know if he should cry or be happy that she did. He has so much to compensate for with her he has no idea where he's going to start. She listened to him when he explained why he left, and turns out, Riley already knew bits and pieces. She told him that she was proud of him for coming forward to her and told her the truth. That he wasn't trying to deflect and lie to her again. That he wasn't going to be another Elwood. He kinda was, but in light of her forgiveness and willingness, he decided not to open his mouth. 

Riley didn't need to hear about his regrets, and poor life's choices. She didn't need to know about the nights he spent having nightmares and crying himself to sleep over seeing her and Diane lying in a pool of their blood, Elwood holding the gun and making Jack watch that happen. 

Jack didn't have the heart to tell her that he's too tired of lying to those he cares about, subtly looking at Mac in that moment. He could see that Riley could tell about Jack doing that thing he did where he wanted everyone he cared about accounted for. He was always worrying. Keeping an eye on everything and everyone. 

Next, Matty promised Mac that everyone would get some time off until Phoenix gets their feet under them, and Jack smiled. For all that Matilda Webber was a hardened agent and she could distance herself from most emotions, she cared for her agents. And there was no one that could not fall for the kid. He had something about his person that made everyone fall for him. Jack couldn't look back. It was physically debilitating to have to leave that day in the Sandbox. It's why Jack reupped. 

Look at him several years later breaking the kid's heart with hiding this mission from him. He wasn't sure he still gets to call Mac “his kid”. He lost that right when he walked away from the very edge of the lake where Mac was bleeding out and shivering like a wet puppy in the rain. 

Jack still feels the stickiness of Mac's blood on his hands. It was far from the first time he had to stop the bleeding from a wound on Mac. But this time it was different. It really felt like he was the one that pulled the trigger. And Jack wasn't sure he could ever get the feeling of Mac's blood off of his hands or stop the guilt from eating him out on the inside. It was there, a reminder even after the water washed away the remains in that dirty gas station bathroom Jack stopped to get himself together before he met exfil. 

The feeling of the kid's ribs cracking underneath his palms as he performed CPR. Mac dying on him. 

That was just… Jack would pay money to stop things like that happening to Mac. He wasn't sure he was going to come back from it if it happened again. 

Speaking of Mac, he was whispering something with Bozer who had his work uniform donned. He had a late night shift starting soon and he bid them a good night. Jack barely responded to Bozer calling his name, too caught up in his own musings. He was sure Bozer wouldn't get mad at him for not being enthusiastic. As it was, Jack should ask Mac what story they are running with about his triumphant return to the living. Something he didn't think of when he came to the house when Mac called him over.

Jack is dreading the moment when one day they'll have to tell Bozer what they really do for work. He is sure the guy doesn't buy half of their stories; hell, he comes up with not-as-crazy creative scenarios for his movies on the regular, so Jack's pretty sure they need to up their game. 

Jack sighs. He really needs to stop thinking. 

The keys to the GTO burn a hole in his jeans. He should get up and get back to his apartment before things get awkward. He is the only one at the house, besides Mac, and Jack knows that while they are okay now, he is still treading on thin ice with Mac. And he'd rather not test Mac's patience. 

On the other hand… he should not be driving under the influence. 

At this point Jack is ready to chance an accident or a ticket over Mac kicking him out. Not that he did not deserve to be kicked...

There were footsteps behind him and Jack stilled. This was it. Mac was going to tell him to beat it. 

Jack closes his eyes. He is trying hard not to let himself cry. But images of the kid crying after his funeral come to mind. It was weird, attending his own funeral from the sidelines, watching people he cared about, who he loved, mourning him and cry over him while Jack was perfectly alive a few feet away. That day was one of the hardest after leaving Mac at lake Como so the paramedics can get him to a hospital. One of the many that followed, where he wanted so bad to tell Mac that he was alive. One more day where at the end of it, he kept lying to his best friend, to the closest he got to a kid after Riley. 

Jack didn't realize he wasn't breathing until there was a hand on his shoulder and Jack jumped. If the embarrassed little whimper that escaped his lips wasn't enough, he also had to bang himself in the railing when he tried to dislodge the hand at the unexpected touch. 

“Sorry.” Mac's small voice sounded behind him. Jack discreetly wiped a tear that escaped and took several deep breaths. 

He tried to turn around and face Mac, but he got dizzy again. Mac caught him before Jack faceplanted on the wooden floor. 

“I was going to ask if you wanted another beer, but I see now that's not a good idea.” Mac chuckled, but it fell flat once he removed his hands from Jack's body and Jack was sure he wasn't going to make out with the wooden slats. 

“Yeah, no, that would be a bad idea. I should have stopped at one tonight.”

He conveniently didn't mention that he didn't eat anything so the reason why he was possibly, maybe slightly drunk was that. By the time he had the slice of pizza when he arrived, it was too late for his stomach to process it. 

That, and the fact that he wasn't getting younger. He was definitely able to hold his alcohol more in his youth. 

They stood like that for a bit before Mac moved to gather the empty beer bottles. Jack was still standing, watching transfixed as Mac moved around and disposed of the trash. 

Jack moved when Mac did and they spoke at the same time. 

“I think I should go-”

“Would you like to stay-” 

Jack was stumped. He froze in place and he gripped the railing in an attempt to ground himself. He didn't think Mac would want to have anything to do with him. After what he did to the kid, Jack wouldn't have wanted to be in his own company. 

“Are you sure?” 

“I am not letting you to drive in this state. Besides, I miss our movie nights. Now that I have you back, that tradition has to continue. Consider it punishment for the stunt you pulled.” 

There was the playful tone in Mac's voice and any other time Jack would tease him back and say something in the likes of “it ain't a punishment if it's you”, but something about the choice of words Mac used hit him in the chest and his breath stuttered. 

He had no right to ask for anything. No right to ask Mac for forgiveness. He broke Mac's heart, he left him, faked his death to keep him safe, but left anyway. There was a part of him that was afraid that the kid will think of him as a traitor now, that despite of his reasons and actions proving otherwise that he'd be there and not lie to Mac again; there was that lingering feeling that Mac won't trust him ever again.

And he deserved all of it. The price he got to pay for trying to do the right thing. 

He wasn't aware that he had curled up on himself and was in the middle of having a panic attack until he felt Mac's hands on his biceps, and Mac's voice trying to get through the fog in Jack's brain. 

“Breathe with me, Jack. Take a deep breath. Yes, that's it. Nice and easy. Just follow my lead.” 

_ Always do, Mac. _

Jack managed to get his breathing under control. It didn't feel like he was trying to wade through cotton anymore. It didn't feel like he was underwater and trying hard to get above the surface and take a lungful of air. 

His sight cleared, and he saw Mac, crouching in front of him, worried. 

Mac should never be worried about him. 

“I'm sorry.” 

“It happens, Jack. It's okay.” 

“No. Not that. The… uh. The other thing.” 

Jack saw the moment Mac understood what he meant. 

“Jack… we talked about it. It's all good.” 

“Yeah.” his voice gave out and Jack bit his lip so hard he drew blood. 

He wasn't going to cry, damn it. 

“Jack.. Is this about what I said? I'm sorry… that was stupid of me to say.” 

“Nah, it's okay. You meant it in a playful way. And I'd be more than happy to watch a movie with you. It's just… I didn't think…” 

“You didn't think I'd invite you so fast. Yeah, I didn't think I would either. But I've been thinking. And I know we have a long way to go even remotely back to what we were. But I also know you wouldn't hurt me deliberately. And this hurt you more than it hurt me. So I'm willing to give you a second chance. It's why I invited you over. I want to start anew.” 

And Jack heard all that Mac didn't say. That their history together couldn't be forgotten so easily. Couldn't be erased for a full new start. But it could serve as the reminder that they were stronger than whatever was coming at them to tear them apart. They came this far… and they survived. They both did. In a way. 

Jack was not looking at the meaning behind the Phoenix and comparing it to their current situation. Nope. 

Mac chose him. Chose to put his trust in him, as fragile as it was. And no matter what happened, or how he felt, Jack was going to work on earning that trust back. And keeping it this time. 

“So. Movie?” 

“Movie.” 

Jack got himself to his feet slowly. 

What he did not expect was Mac to throw himself at him and hold on for dear life. 

Jack wrapped his arms around Mac tightly, not letting go, inhaling Mac's scent and reminding himself why they were where they were now. 

“I am so glad that you aren't dead, Jack.” Mac whispered against his neck. 

Jack reinforced the grip he held Mac with. 

“You and me both, kiddo.” 

Jack knew things were far from perfect. But together with Mac, they could work things out. Mac saw something in him, something that made it possible for him to let Jack back in his life, opening himself up to trust the man who fucked things up again. But Jack was willing to endure everything if it meant he gotta have Mac back in his life. He'd do his damnedest to earn the trust, and to protect Mac. That was his promise to himself and to Mac. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?


End file.
